Better

My headache was paining today morning. I feeling like something banging on my head. Maam saying Sally take Panadol. Maam always giving solution to take Panadol. If Sara throat pain or head pain she saying Sara you not having fever so I be giving you some panadol then you go school.

Maam too much particular about no miss school. She saying school too much important. I telling maam how my brother when they small they telling my father they going school then they be going somewhere else. Everyday they going out of house say they going school. Coming back after school. No one is knowing for many day that they not going school. Maam saying see Sally that why your brother not having job. that why he not doing anything. education very important. Without it you no progress.

I feeling bad she saying all thing about my brother but I understand. Even I sometimes thinking if I finish school I have better job. Maybe I be working in some doctor office. My friend Ellie her cuzzin is work at doctor office as reception. So easy that job. Sitting in same chair whole day. Only picking up phone and tell people wait please doctor see you soon. I telling my maam that see this job so easy. Maam saying Sally you not know how much money she getting. Not so much. And she having to pay her own house her own food. She having to pay her own transport to her job. You getting salry and you also getting house and food. And no transport for you also. Your situation better than her.

I thinking maam is saying right thing. Ellie cuzzin living somewhere I not sure where. Deira or Burdubai I think. she sharing house with 9 other people. Her husband also living with her. She sleep on floor on matress and only curtain  between her and other people in house. And she paying her earn money for that. imagine I having my own room and I not even pay for that. so I is luckyer than Ellie cuzzin I think. She having better job but I having better room.

I am sometime feel jealous of my maam. It natural feeling if you seeing someone having much more and you having such less like small room. But then I think it better I compare my situation to Ellie cuzzin than to my maam.

Maam better than me but I better than Ellie cuzzin. At least I better than someone. my headache also better.

Magic

Today I is doing iron. All bedsheet. I like doing iron. Everything is all crumple and I am taking iron and doing magic. All crumple is gone. I am imagine all the crumple in the cloth is my trouble and I remove all the trouble. I wishing that even in my life I can take iron and make everything neat. But my life not so simple. There is too much crumple in my life to do this magic trick.

My maam daughter Sara is like to do magic trick. All time she tell me Sally see I show you this trick. see I making this magic happen. Sara say one day she be famus magican and perform all over world. I thinking of Lani Misalucha. She from Philippine. She come few day back to Dubai for doing concert. She is famus singer. Imagine she singing now in Vegas with Celin Dion. I feeling proud that she from my home country. Even she leaving her home to go to other country to make money. Like me.

I wishing I can see her concert perfomance. she having such good voice. but she having so much good luck also. She like me leaving her country for job but she not like me because I not having her good luck.

I wish I can do  magic for me to have good luck also. Then all my crumple in my life be gone.

big brother

Last week I is reading in paper that some maam and sir is putting camera to watch house maid at home. I getting worry. I think that if my maam get this idea then she will know I am doing blog and using her computer. She know I try her walking machine. and about nail polish and icebox. I am not doing all that bad thing any more. but still what if she knowing everything? she sending me back home.

My maam is also see the paper. She say see Sally these housemaid they not know that big brother watch them. First I not understand what she meaning. I thinking what she is mean big brother? Only the maam and sir of the maid is watch her. not her big brother.

Then I am remember show in Philippine. I only see it one two time. Pinoy Big Brother. All these people is live in house for many day and camera is all time tape them. They saying it like real life show. Tv show but all actor is real people. People like me.

I imagine I is on this show. my mother and brother and sister see me. Like they can see my house here and my life. What I am doing. How I am cooking. I am like movie star. When I was small girl I was wanting to be movie star. Then I remember. What I am thinking? This camera different. This not movie or tv camera. It like the maam and sir is spy on the maid.

I getting very scare. Suppose my maam is already put this and not tell me. I looking everywhere. Looking in plant pot. Inside pillow. Backside picture frame. I see in secret spy movie how they hiding it. Sometime they hiding in phone. I even looking inside fish tank. Nothing. Backside of computer. Inside printer. Inside lamp. No camera. I feeling relieve. But then I is thinking maybe maam has hide it so well that why I cannot find it.

If maam having camera she sending me back. my blog story will be over. my real life show will also be over. 

In her shoe

Since I have come to Dubai I becoming fat. Even my father he very fat when he alive. What to do I liking food. I looking at my picture when I is in Philippine and I thinking how I become like this? I am doing so much hard work but I still be fat. I looking like a baboy. a fat pig. I telling my mother on mobile that I have become fat. She shouting at me. She say Sally what you are doing? How you will get marry?

My maam is not fat. She very thin. All time she is exercise. She having walking machine at home and also she going lot to gym. I think even I want to exercise. So some week back when she is going to school to pick up children I think I will be using the walking machine. I have watch maam do it before. I try for few minute. but then I feeing it so boring. Just walking walking doing nothing else. But I thinking better be bore than be fat. So I keep on walking. When maam is going on machine later I hearing her ask sir why all setting is change. I getting scare then that she will know. She not suspect me. Now I scare to go on machine again.

But I still is still fat. So now I am doing jog. Not on machine. Outside. I go in evening when maam is taking children to tennis class or karate class or swim class. I telling maam and going. It not a secret. But my shoe is hurting me. My one friend she tell me she doing shoe business. she say she selling shoe for 100 dirham but she giving me for 95. She even showing me picture on mobile. I thinking I will get Puma shoe. I always wanting Puma. I so happy I telling maam. She saying Sally where she getting this Puma shoe? I thinking maybe even maam want. I telling her she having contac on ship and she will order Puma for me. Then maam saying all is fake Sally you not buy from her. It not good to be buying fake. How she knowing it fake she not seeing them. She not even seeing picture on mobile. And how I getting Puma otherwise? I really wanting this shoe now. I not care it fake. But I not order it because maam is putting dout in my head.

Now I is having no shoe and no machine. So I still is fat. I cannot do jog without shoe. I thinking on my next holiday I buying shoe. Maybe not Puma but something else. I wishing my maam shoe size same as my size but after last experence with slipper I not wanting to ask her for shoe. I not even wanting to borrow her shoe.

Some week ago my maam reading a book call In Her Shoe. I asking maam what it about. Why it is call In her Shoe? Maam is explain that it like a saying. She say in a person shoe mean you want to feel what other person feeling. 

I thinking maam needing to be in my shoe. Then she knowing how much I wanting the Puma shoe. And I needing to be in maam shoe. because then I am able to buy real Puma.

Endless love

My grandmother is ask me why you no marry Richie. She say Richie love you. He waiting for you. I telling her if Richie be love me he change his habit. Richie is father of my son. He is look after my son. So I always care for him. But I not want to marry him. Because he not how you say responsble. He not having good job. He drink lot. He always telling me not to give money my mama and brother and sister. He say Sally now you have son. You have to think about your own self and your son. How I know he not saying that only for my money? I is working hard here for all my family. My mama and brothers and sisters. How I can abandon my family for him?

My maam is also say Sally you have to think of yourself. She tell me open bank account. I telling her one friend of mine she opening account then when she going back Philippine all money gone. Maam saying that not possible what kind of bank it is? I not know what kind of bank I only know that it better no bank. I keeping money and then I sending to my mother. She is telling me she buying house for me soon. My maam saying Sally be careful no let your mother sign all paper for house. You need to do yourself so it in your name. But how I can do if I is here? My mother telling me Sally the house be in your name why you worry. She no cheat me. But my maam is put dout in my head so I is waiting till I going back.

Maybe one day even I is getting marry. Maybe Richie. Maybe some other boy. All girl want get marry. Even me. when we is get marry they saying till death do us part. I thinking that is like endless love. I reading story of husband and wife who getting marry. wife is die and husband also dying in few day. I thinking that true love. Like in my pocketbook. 

In my life I not knowing if Richie is my endless love. Maybe he waiting for me. But I is the one who  waiting. for him to change.