Same but different

When I go home for my vacation I feel like everything is same. but also different. I try to explain. My son is become so big. He is still my son but when I look at him he not look like my baby any more. He not talk like my baby any more. It is like he is big. He is same but different. He call me mama. but he not know who mama really is. How can he know? I am so far away for him. I am most important person for him but I am nobody for him. Being with him make me happy and sad at same time. like it is raining when the sun is shining. 

Richie is also different. he is now another person. The one I knew when I was 17 year old girl is gone. How I can say this? He is too far from me now. Not just far like Dubai and Davao but just far. Gone. changed. He is same person but he is so different. When he talk to me it is like he is stranger. How I can have baby with him I dont know? It so funny feeling. I feel like I know him so well but I not know him at all.

My mother is still same. Only interest is money. Money money money. All the time she ask me Sally what you bring? Sally why you not bring this? Sally why you not bring that? She is same and her questions are not different. Why she not ask me Sally how your maam is treat you? Sally you ok? Why you so sad Sally? 

Already 2011 is over. In 5 days it will be new year. So much is happen in one year. But so little is different. How that can be? How it can feel like your whole life is change but still it is all the same? How it can be that you think you are important but you are still nobody special? How it can be that you are a stranger to someone but you still know them so well? How can it be rainy and sunny at the same time?

There is no use thinking of all thing in the past. Everything is different but nothing has changed. The only thing that has really changed is time. And me. 

job

Few days back I am hearing maam and sir talking. Sir is say to maam that there is many lay off in office. First I am not understand what he is mean by lay off. I think he saying day off. I thinking that not so bad thing why sir is feel so upset? Then I hearing him say 17 people is get sack today. now I understand. Get sack and lay off mean same thing. Bad thing. It mean lose job. fired. I am not wanting to get sack. or lay off. or fired. Sir say to maam that even he is in danger. of be lay off. That is make me worry.

I waiting for sir to go to work. Then I asking maam what sir is saying. Maam is getting little bit angry. She say Sally it not your business. Why you listen to me and sir when we are talking? It not good manners to listen like this. you do your work. You no have to worry about anything.

But I am worry. My friend Rita is lose her job this way only. Her sir is get sack from his job. He lose his job. So she lose her job. The whole family of her sir is move back to home country because they not having visa now. And Rita is try for one month to get new job but then even she have to go back home.

How maam can say it not my business? Sir is sponsor my visa. If he is in danger of getting sack then I am in danger also. I am telling Lilibeth. She say Sally I am knowing one family. They look for new house maid. I talk to them if your sir is get sack. I tell Maria. She is also tell me same thing. She say Sally I find for you new family. You not worry. You are so hard worker. There is lot of family here in Dubai who want maid like you.

I feel happy my friends are able to help me.  I tell maam that if I get lay off then my friends will help me. I say maam I hope sirs friend is also able to help him if he is lay off. Maam is get upset with me. She say Sally why you go tell all neighbours our home problem? It not your business and it not their business. She say Sally you keep your mouth quiet about this. We not know what is happen. No one is getting lay off. But I know she is worry. So how I can believe her when she is not believe it herself?

When sir is home full time he is talking on phone. Talking to so many people. About this only. Who is going. who is staying. who is next going. He talking to his friend. his father. his mother. I know because he talk very loudly. Full house is hearing. I not understand why maam not want me to talk about this when sir is talking to everybody about it.

I am not knowing what will happen with sirs job. I not knowing what happen to my job. I hope sir is not get sack. I will pray for his job. And my job.

I am back

I have not written for so many days. Because I go for vacation. To my home. When my maam is renew my contract I am not going for my vacation. Maam is tell me that I can do my vacation at christmas. when she go for her vacation. 

Then in october she say Sally we are not going for vacation at christmas this year. It so expensive we are staying in Dubai. We will do big christmas lunch. She say Sally you go your vacation little early and come back before christmas.  So you can help me with christmas lunch.

Maam tell me to go one month. But I tell her maam I only want to go 15 or 20 days because if I stay more days it more difficult when I come back. More days mean more homesick when I come back. I just want to see my family. but I not want to get use to being there with them. Because then I will not want to leave.

I explain better. Going home is so good. And it is so bad. Good because I see my family. my son. Richie. Bad because I have to leave them and come back. When you stay far away in Dubai for so many year you get use to not seeing your family. You become how you say tough? Then you go back for vacation and when you return it like you have to start again. All the homesick and memory and crying. 

I go and now I come back. I am back but my heart and my mind is still in Philippines.

sleep is cut

Few day back I am reading in paper this story that this person is getting a fine for sleeping on train. On metro train. It so funny. Everyone feel like fall asleep on a train. Why this fine? I am then reading that the fine for sleep on metro is 300. But the fine for carrying gun or knife on metro is 200. how that can be correct? How sleeping on metro is worse than carrying a gun or knife? Sometimes I not understand how they write these rule.

So many rules. I not know all these rule. Like I not know you can get fine 100 dirham for eating or chewing gum on metro. or 100 dirham fine for causing disturb. I not have money to pay these fines. I am thinking now that it good that I not go on metro too much. Maam house is very far from station. It too difficult to reach station. I have to take bus or car lift for station. Then I have to take train. Then again same thing. Bus or car lift. So it better I take only car lift when I have to go for my holiday. I get pick up from home and drop at home.

My friend Susan is lucky. Her maam is drop her to MOE and pick her up in evening. But maybe she not so much lucky. Because she always worry her maam waiting. She always having to finish quick and run to station. I remember when I am first coming to this maams house I asking maam to give me car lift and she not liking. She say Sally you go your holiday so early in morning. I am not waking up so early. I need to sleep for my beauty. I not like cutting my sleep.

See how she is? she wanting me to cut my sleep and put food in slow cooker before I go for my holiday. But she not want to cut her sleep. She not thinking that if she cut her sleep my money is save. But she not understand all that. Because she not in that situation. Because little money not so important thing for her.

When I am doing vaccum I am always so bored. Sometimes I make up story in my head. Like dream but I am awake. Not sleeping dream. Day dream. Sometime it is funny. Sometime it is sad. But it always make me think of life. I give you example.

Imagine. It is Friday. I am waking up early for slow cooker before my holiday. I am cutting vegetable. Maam is get disturb. She cut her sleep and wake up. she say she give me car lift to station. She say Sally lets go quickly we will be late. I so excite that I save little money. Instead of putting knife in dishwasher I put knife in my bag. Then maam say Sally today we will go together for holiday. Maam is get on metro with me. After few minute she say Sally you wake me up so early. you cut my sleep I feeling so sleepy. She fall asleep on metro. When the inspector is come he give her 300 dirham fine. He also give me 200 dirham fine for knife in bag.

It is just silly dream story. But it make me think. Both of us would have to pay fine. Her 300 dirham sleep fine is more than my 200 dirham knife fine. But even if her fine is more it will mean less for maam. and even if my fine is less it will mean more for me. Maam will just pay 300 dirham. no problem. For me the 200 dirham fine will be like the knife in my bag. It will hurt. It will make me bleed.

Yes it is better I not go on metro. Then I not have to worry about fine or chewing gum. I not have to worry about knife or sleep. or cutting maams sleep. 

Sea of life

This story is the 100th story on this blog. 100 stories of my life. 100 stories about my days. my boring days. Just think. Full day I do so boring things. I cook. I clean. I wash. I iron. I do laundry. and then I do it all again next day. Maybe sometimes I do something different. Like if maam is taking me to mall to see fountain or something like that. But mostly every day of my life is same. 

Before I start this blog my life was so boring. everyday. same boring day. After I start writing this blog I feel like my life is change. I see same thing. but it have different meaning. new meaning. I feel like everything in my life is now having some meaning.

I hope my life also having some meaning. to other housemaids. to all other person who think he is too small to do anything big. I want this story to tell you that you can be so very small but you can still have very big dreams.

I want to celebrate this 100th story. So I am doing something new on this blog. Because this blog make me see everything like it is new. I am writing a poem. About life. My first time to do this. I hope you like it.

Sea of Life

I am swimming

I am floating

I am drowning

The waves they come and they go

Sometimes they are high. sometimes low

I move with the water. fast or slow

Where is the boat to make me cross this sea

Who is the light that will guide me

Where can I put my anchor permanently

Every second of my life is like salt in this sea 

Small moment that change the taste of life for me

The stories of my life like water drops in this sea 

I want my mind to be deep just like the sea 

My heart to swallow you up if you let me

I want the light of the sun to shine in me 

I want to rock you in my arms when we meet

I want to pull the sand from under your feet

I want to make this life of ours complete

I know there is an end to this sea

Where the sky touch the sea. where we are free

Is it heaven or hell? it all depend on me

I know there is end to the sea of life. But I not want anything to end just now. I not want to stop my big dreams. My dreams are like castles of sand on the beach. Castles that my sea of life keeps eating up. But I always build the castle again. Because I never want to stop my dreaming.

Fine

Today I am reading in paper that there is this one housemaid who is winning case. Her maam is not pay her for 5 years. Imagine. How she is going on working without any pay? Why she wait 5 years before she do complain to consulate? Now she getting her 5 year pay and also one year extra. So everyone think all is fine. But I not think it all fine. I tell you why.

First- the maid is Filipina but her salary is only 600 dirham. It is suppose to be 1400 or 1500 dirham. How she is work for so less pay? In newspaper they write that consulate is agree that it little bit low but it is in the contact. so it ok. I am thinking that it not just little bit low. 600 dirham is more than half lower than 1500 dirham. How she sign contract for so less pay I am not understanding. Why they not make agency and employer pay fine when they find out that salary is not correct? Why there is no one appoint from consulate who look at all housemaid contracts and check that the salary is ok? But then I think atleast now she get 600 dirham. It better than 0 dirham which is what her salary is for so many years.

Second- I think the maam should be punish for not paying salary. She pay what she is owe the maid and little more. But no fine. No other punishment. Why they not put ban on her from keeping another maid? Just like they are banning the maid if she do something bad. sometimes they should put some ban on employer also. Like if the employer is beat maid then he should get ban. If he is not pay maid then he should be ban. If he having complain from maid of abuse then he should be ban. If not ban then at least fine? What you think?

When maid do something wrong she get ban and deport. No one want to listen also to what she say. I think that even the maam who do wrong things to maid should be ban. or pay some fine. Then maybe it will all be fine.

Thunder

Yesterday I am waking up in morning and there is thunder. And rain. You all know how much I like my lucky rain. But I am not liking thunder. My grandmother tell me that when it thunder God is angry. Rayan is also not liking thunder. Lot of children is not like thunder.

One time when I am at my before sir house there is rain and thunder. in middle of night. the girl J is coming in my room. She is 4 year old. She tell me Sally I am scare. I sleep in your room. I quickly get out of my bed. I give her hug. I tell her it only thunder J you no worry. But I getting worry. Not because of thunder. Because I know my before maam get so angry that J come to my room. I know she get angry if J sleep in my bed. I tell J that she have to go in her bed. Now she start crying more. I am worry my before maam will get disturb. So I go in her room and I sleep on the floor. I hold her hand. so she is not scare. J tell me I love you Sally for sleep with me in my room.

In morning I am telling my before maam. That J getting scare of thunder. That I sleep in her room. She get angry with J. She say J how many time I tell you not to be scare of thunder? To sleep in your own bed? Not to disturb me at night. I want to laugh because J is not disturb her. J is disturb me. But it ok because she is so small child and she need comfort. I happy I able to comfort J.

I know my before maam did not like that J is come to me for comfort. Maybe she feeling jealous? like she not good mother. She getting angry with J for that. She getting angry with J for want to sleep in my bed. Full day my before maam is worry that she do this again. She keep telling her J no get scare of thunder. J Stay in your room next time. I not want you to disturb anyone. J is looking so scare like she do some big mistake. I want to hug her again. to comfort her again. but I know my before maam not like it. 

Why my before maam not hug her? and say it ok J. Why she not tell her J you not worry? I there for you when it thunder. You come to me when it thunder. Why she not comfort her and make her feel better? I getting upset. Now I know why J not go to her room. why she come to my room when it thunder. It good that rain and thunder is very less in Dubai. So she not have to come to my room again. So she not have to cry in her bed if she is scare. 

Yesterday I think so much of J. My before maam and J is move to a country where there is lot of rain and thunder. I hope J is not scare of thunder anymore. And I hope her mother is comfort her when there is thunderstorm.

Memories

Today Sara is playing piano. She play so nice. She is practicing her new song. When I am small girl my daddy always singing this song for me. I am feeling sad. I miss my daddy. He is gone from my life for so long. Not just die but even before that he leave my mother. He leave us and that is when my life is fully change.

I think how this one song is make me remember my childhood day. Always it happen like this. I am hearing some song it is make me feel sad. or happy. or remember Richie. or my son. or my father. or the rain. or eating kwek kwek. 

I dont know how I suddenly think of this kwek kwek. You know what it is? It is egg of kwail that we are frying. It is so delicious. I remember one time it raining lots. I must be maybe 10 or 11. So many year ago. But I remember it like it happen today. My father is bringing kwek kwek from the booth. We are all coming home from school full wet. but we are having so much fun. My mother make for us hot salabat. ginger tea. And we eat kwek kwek. All of us laughing and happy. Until now this memory is lost in my brain. And today I am remembering it because of the piano song.

We did not have money. We were not rich. But we had so much fun. I have so many memories like this kwek kwek day. Memories that I have lock in my brain. Today when I hear the piano it was like I find the key. to my lost treasure of memories.

Happy memories that make me sad. Because those days are gone forever. I want to go back to that time. to that place. But I cannot find my way.

We did not have money but our lives were rich. Rich with fun and laughter. Until my daddy left us.

pressure cooker

Maam is getting new cooker in house. It is a slow cooker. First she is having only a pressure cooker. But now she get this new thing. She tell me Sally I bring this cooker for you. to use. it is very nice. it cooking everything slowly. you put in morning it is done in evening. I not understand why she want me to use this new cooker. I am not needing any new cooker. She is not doing cooking. I am doing cooking. And I only want cooking to be done quickly. I am not wanting to wait whole day for my kitchen work to be finish. So pressure cooker is doing good work for me.

I tell her maam I not needing this slow thing. I am happy with pressure cooker. Maam saying Sally I bring this for you I think you would be happy to use it. Then she say Sally when you go Friday morning for your holiday you put everything in slow cooker before you go. Then when you come back it be ready. Now I understand why she buying this fancy thing. She is not wanting to do little bit cooking even on Friday. 

I go for my holiday at 5.30 or 6 o clock in morning. How she want me to cook before that? I am feeling little bit upset on maam. She always do this. She give me something nice but it always nice for her. Not for me. She is not buying it for me. She is buying it for her. 

Now I am feeling angry. I feel like a pressure cooker that is going to burst. Like I cannot breathe and it is all inside me. I telling maam I am not wanting this cooker. It no good for me. Maam say Sally your attitude really having to change. I get you something nice and you are rude. you all the time so rude. this will not do. if you not know how to use then I show you. but I want you to try to use it. at least on Friday. better change your attitude Sally. I am thinking she need to change her attitude for my Friday.

I now explain my Friday to you. it is my holiday. Which mean I do no work till evening. No cleaning. No cooking. No slow cooker. When I start working at this maam I am coming home at 5 in evening. But now maam is trust me little so I am coming little later. Maybe 7.00 or sometimes 7.30. When I come home my holiday is over. So I clean up kitchen. I wash all dishes that maam has use in day and leave in sink for me when I come back.

Now I am thinking how much maam is change since when I first come here. Before she would do cooking for lunch and dinner on Friday. Now she only eat from fridge or go out. Before she would do  cleaning for all dishes. Full sink would be empty. Now full sink is full. Now she leave everything for me. maam and sir taking children out for dinner on Fridays. so she not have to do any cooking. But now she not wanting to go out for dinner also. She make me cook dinner. In this stupid slow cooker. Before I go for my holiday.

This slow cooker is slowly taking my holiday away. Maybe I make the food bad in this slow cooker. I will put pressure on maam to return it. I like this idea. It slowly take the weight off. from my pressure cooker. and I am able to breathe again.

Beauty queen

Some week back all housemaid is excited about Shamcey Supsup. She is Miss Philippines. Beauty queen. she is in the Miss Universe contest and she is in top5. She is not the winner. but she is making full Philippine very proud that she do so good. 

I do not think they are doing Miss UAE contest here in Dubai. I have not read in newspaper about it. Maybe it is there but I am not knowing. But definitely I know Miss UAE is not in Miss Universe contest. How they can be? All the local girl here is wearing abaya. Full black cover up on top of their dress. Even for swimming. Full abaya in the pool. Really I have seen it. They selling full cover burkini swimsuit in mall also. They are not allow to wear bikini. because they always have to cover up.  To hide the body. But you cannot wear burkini  or abaya for swim suit contest in miss universe show. Maybe thats why Miss UAE not going for Miss Universe.

Maybe you think that because they all wear abaya they all wear like uniform. But that not true. Some of their abaya is so fashionous. It so interesting when I go to mall sometimes with maam or on my holiday. I looking at all different style of the local emirati ladies. So many different style abaya. So many different style head scarf. Every lady is looking different. 

Some ladies are putting this big flower clip in their hair. Under the scarf to make the head look big. Mostly it look good.very stylish. but sometime when it is too big it looking so funny. like her head is going to fall off. One time I am seeing one lady getting in car. She is having to move her full head to side to make it fit inside the car. She is looking so funny. I am wanting to laugh. 

First I not knowing that they put flower clip to make it look like this. I always think how the head looking so big? Then one day I am in washroom at mall and I see this lady is making her scarf proper. That time I am seeing how her head is become so big. And I am knowing the secret of the flower clip.

But I am not understanding why they put such a pretty clip inside. because then they are hiding it with head scarf. They always hiding the beautiful thing. Like their body. And also their faces. some ladies have to cover the face. then you can see only her eyes. Like her eyes are looking out of a window. Like we are looking into a window. I want to open the window and see more. I want to see if there is something beautiful hiding inside.

When I am covering my face at my Oman sir house I am not able to see anything. I am all the time looking down and walking but still I am falling. But some of these ladies when they walk their head is so straight. Even with that big clip that make the head big. They walk like a princess or a queen. a beauty queen. No need for Miss UAE or Miss Universe contest.

dust storm

Few days back in Dubai there is dust storm. If you never see dust storm you not believe me when I say the dust just come. So much dust. Only dust. Dust go in your clothes and nose and hair and eyes and mouth. The dust just hang in air. you clean it but more dust is coming. Everything get covered in dust. Always when dust storm is coming it means the weather will change. If it is cold it will become hot after dust storm. If it is hot then it become cold after dust storm. Like that. 

I am not liking dust storm because all my work is become so much. First thing I have to run and bring all clothes inside. Because we are not having dryer. So all clothes is hanging out. When I see the dust storm is coming I quickly quickly have to run for clothes. If I am not realising then I am in big trouble. All clothes is full of dust. Maam not liking that. Then she make me do wash again. I remember  last year in the winter when there is dust storm this big blanket of maam is left outside in dust storm. Maam saying Sally it become so dusty you better you wash again. I saying yes maam.

But you know how hard it is to wash such a big blanket? I always wish maam give for dry clean but this blanket she make me wash at home. I wash in washing maching but still it so heavy when I have to bring it out. Then I have to put on clothes rack. When I am putting it the rack is falling down. It is so big and heavy so sometimes the blanket is touching the ground. Even that Maam does not like. She too particular about this kind of thing. Everything have to be so clean. Clothes cannot touch ground. Blanket cannot touch ground. But children if they sit on ground it is ok. I not understand maam.

She tell me how to dry this blanket. She say Sally you fold it first inside the house then you put it out. then after sometime you bring it in and open and fold again. and put it out again. When I wash this blanket I am folding and opening and folding it the whole day. Until it is dry. It is too much work. And imagine if I have to do it two times in one day because of dust storm. I will not have time to do any other work. So I just shake it and fold and put away neatly when maam is not there. She not suspect me. Because I shake it very well there is no dust.

So when it become dusty I am running outside like a mad girl. bringing full clothes rack inside. or bringing clothes inside. bringing bed sheets and bed covers and towels inside. But I cannot even leave door open because then all dust coming inside. It so difficult.

So much work also after the storm. I have to clean all porch chairs and table. Then I have to sweep porch. Then I have to wash cars and windows and clean the glass on the doors. There is dust everywhere. And if I forget to close some window then the dust is come inside also. Too much work before and after the dust storm. That why all housemaid is not like when it come.

Few days back remember when I am sad because I miss my family? I think sadness is like a dust storm. When you feel sad the air is heavy. Like in the dust storm you cannot see anything clearly. It is like you are wearing dirty glasses and looking at the world. You can clean the dirty glasses and pray they do not get dusty again.  Pray that you do not get covered in a blanket of dust. Hope and pray that you can shake this blanket of sadness and fold it and put it away neatly. And hope when the dust storm goes away you have some better weather days.

One letter

For past week maam in not so good mood because sir is going London. Maam is also wanting to go but she not able to leave children for so many day. Sir is going for work and maam say even she wanting to go. For shopping and meet her friend. She tell me Sally I am stuck here because children having school. If I go who will look after children? Who will take them for school and swimming and tennis and piano?

Sir not having to worry about all this. If he have to go he going. He doing lot of travel. He go mostly London but sometimes other place also. He go one week. Then one week he is at home. Too much travel. And when he at home sometimes he going for golf or dinner. He not worry about who is look after children. Because he know maam is always there.

When sir not there then maam mood is little bit sad. Little alone. Like something missing. She not tell me but I know. Because I know how it like to be alone. Because I see her mood on her face. It look like she is eating something bitter. because she missing sir.

She is in this sad mood yesterday also. Then she go out and come back home. Now she is very excited. She is smiling. I think what happen to her that she in so good mood? Maybe sir coming back quickly? Then she tell me. She going to post office. Over here in Dubai the letters is not coming to the house. She having to go post office and pick up from the box. Usually she just get letter and I not even know that she go to post office. But today she show me this letter.

Her good friend is getting marry to her other good friend and she getting invitation. Maam is in so much good mood after getting this letter. She tell me Sally imagine these two friend is know each other for so many years but not romance. and now they getting marry. She say I not even know they dating. Then she say Sally I am missing all the news in my home country. I wish I was back.

She is running to make phone. She talking to her friend for lot of time. Full time she laughing and asking all question. When this happen? How it happen? Why you not send email? I am so surprise. but I am so happy for you both. I wish I was there. I wish I can come there. 

After the phone she tell me Sally I just have to go for this wedding. Imagine they both such good friend of mine from college. She say Sally I hope I can go. Sir will have to let me go. Then her mood go bad again. She say how I will go Sally? Who will take children to school and piano? Sir have to work he not able to stay home. 

She then say something to me first time. She say Sally I wish I not give up my job and stay at home. Then even I able to travel like sir. I not know this about maam. That she is also doing job before this. But she not tell me anything more and just go to her room.

One letter change her mood. One letter is make maam go from bitter to better. And then her mood go sad again. Not because she miss sir. but because she miss her life. I always think that because she have so nice house and car maam is so happy. But like me she also just live not love her life. 

See how one letter make so much difference? I hope sir let her go for wedding. I hope he give her chance to change her mood again.

The maid is free

Yesterday maam is getting call on her mobile. Her friend Maam K is having big dinner on Saturday and she want to invite maam and sir. Maam say yes they go for dinner. Then maam say no I am sorry but my maid is not free to come and help. She has to look after children.

I know Maam just use children for excuse for not taking me. She not taking me like this anywhere to do work. even if I do not have to stay home with children. She not liking all this. She say that maid is suppose to work only at sponsor house. She worry that she might get fine if I work somewhere else. Any time her friend say is your maid free maam is always say no. for this reason.

Few week back in newspaper I am reading that there is so big fine if they catching maid doing illegal part time work. Maam is also seeing this. She say see Sally that is why I get worry when you go out without tell me. Because I worry you doing like this part time illegal work. Like maybe some ironing. Or some cleaning. I not want you to do that because see how big fine is.

But some part time work is ok. Not illegal. Like in next door house. they have no full time maid. Only part time. She comes from agency. She comes two or three times in week. Lot of people is do like this if they not want to have maid live in the house. Then they are able to use the maid room as store room. For their bags or something.

Every time I am seeing this same girl coming. She bringing mop and broom and vacum and all cleaning thing and going in next door house. Then after three or four hour she waiting outside house for her car lift. Always waiting 20 minutes. sometimes waiting 30 minutes. in sun. On Monday when she is waiting I am going outside to talk to her. First time.

Her name is Rosalie. I ask her how is it to work in agency. She say she starting work at 8 in morning and finish at 8 in night. Full day cleaning. or ironing. or washing clothes. Every house is different thing. But she busy full time because the maam is pay for her by hourly rate. Her only free time is when she eat lunch and when she waiting for her car lift. In the sun. That why she not mind waiting in the sun. Because she having little bit rest and free time.

Every job is pay her 30 dirham for one hour. I am thinking she getting so much money every month. Like 6000 or 8000 dirham? Even I want to do this work. Then she say that all her money go to her agency. Then agency is pay her fix salary. It very low. And from that she having to buy her things. accomdation and bus and food and clothes. Then send home what she have left maybe 200 or 300 dirham. Now I do not want to do this work. So much hard work. so little bit rest time. And so little bit money in the end. I think my situation is better.

Now I tell you my situation. This is how my salary get fix. At this maam house my salary is correct. But before this it not so good. When I apply to come here from Philippines the agency is telling me that my salary be 1500. When I come here agency make me sign contract with my before maam. My before maam say sign quick sign quick. So I just sign quick and not read contract. I make big mistake. when I get first salary she give me only 800. I am so much shock. I tell my before maam how this can be? Agency tell me I get 1500. She say Sally it in your contract. You sign contract at agency. She tell me Sally you work hard I increase your salary. After 6 month she make my salary 900.

It very low but I think at least I am getting salary every month. At least they not beat me or burn me. or like I am seeing in paper yesterday shave all my hair. Really.So bad this is. Anyway because my before maam and sir is not do any of these bad thing I keep quiet. And 900 dirham in peso is still lot of money.

This maam coming new to Dubai. When she transfer my visa from my before maam she just fix my salary for 1200. She not knowing that Philippine goverment is fix minimum salary for all housemaid coming to Dubai. My before maam not say anything to my new maam. Even I feel shy to tell her. In her mind she think Sally salary is 900 I give her more. So she feeling like she doing good thing. Then one day she is reading in paper or somewhere about this minimum salary. So when she renew my contract she make it correct. 

Like this lot of country is fixing salary for maid coming in Dubai. Like if you are maid from India your salary is fix for 1100. And some girl from some country is get 650. too less. I am happy I am from Philippine because maid from my country get more high salary than other country. Why some country girl is getting so less and some is getting more? All housemaid is do same hard work.

House maid work is so much hard work that no maam is want to do this work  That why they get maid to do the work.They not realise that maid is doing so much work until sometimes when maid is leaving and they have to do all the work. They just want work done properly. but they not want to pay properly.

When maam is finding villa last year she is always talking on phone. I am always hearing her. Four bedroom plus maid. Three bedroom plus maid. I know they talk about maid room but I am always thinking it sound like if you buy the villa the maid is free. Buy villa get maid free. Villa plus maid.

But maid is not free. And housemaid work is not free work. That why I happy when maam tell Maam K and all her friend that Sally is not free to work at your house. Only maam and sir will go for dinner. Not maam and sir plus maid.

one year old

Today my blog story is one year old. When I think of writing this story I never think that so many people will want to read my words. Because usually no one cares about the life of a house maid. Because for some people she is just a thing that people is having in their life to do work.

I want people to understand that maid is also a person. That she is thinking and has feelings. and she miss her home and her family so much. But she has to leave home to support her family. I hope my blog makes people realise all these things. and that it does not matter how you speak. It does not matter how poor you are. It does not matter how educated you are. If you have something important to say you must say it. And people will read. people will listen.

So I want to say thank you. For reading. And for listening to Sallys heart.

Happy Birthday to me.

strong

Today when I wake up in morning my stomach is paining. I am asking maam for vicks. She is laugh and say Sally your stomach pain not go if you put vicks on it. she give me pink pepto to eat. Maam always having some medicine ready to give me. Panadol. Pink pepto. She not doctor but she always ready with some medicine.

But I not wanting to eat pink pepto. I want to put vicks. My grandmother always put vicks on my stomach when it paining. I miss my vicks. I miss my family. I start crying. Maam tell me Sally what is this why you crying? If you want when I go out I buy for you vicks. She say Sally I not like all this crying for silly thing. You must have control. You must be strong.

I understand. But I not like that she tell me this. I am crying because I am missing my family. But I know I am strong. I have left my family to come here to work. If I am not strong how I am able to do this? Before I go to my Oman sir I am never even seeing plane. Now I am flying on plane. Now I am so far away from my home. If I am not strong how I am able to lift the responsibility of my full family?

This word strong is make me think. How we use in so many way. See my brother or Richie. Their body is so much strong than me. They can pick up so many heavy thing. But they not lifting up any responsibility of family. They not lifting up the family. so for them maybe the body is strong but they are weak.

Then I am thinking how this can happen? How my brother can be so strong but still so weak? I remember sirs father is always wanting strong tea. To make strong tea you have to make it very hot. Then you have to cover and let it sit for long time. But you have to be careful. If you boil little bit too long it is not good. it become bitter. I think some people is like this strong tea. When they have lot of problem they have to become strong. There is no easy solution like medicine. They have to wait and be patient for solution. But they need to control. Just right strong and just right patient. So they do not become bitter tea.

I think you become strong when you have no choice. Matira ang matibay. Only the strong will last. I have no choice. I have to be strong. Otherwise I cannot last.

lucky dog

Today I am reading in paper about this hotel for dogs in Dubai. This is for when the owner goes on vacation. I am very happy for the dogs. But sad for the housemaid. See even a dog is luckier than a maid. I tell you why.

When owner goes on vacation the dog can stay in this fancy hotel. The dog gets a beautiful room with a tv and garden and gym. and everyone take care of the dog. But when the owner of the house maid goes on vacation the maid has to stay in her room. Sometimes if the maam is going away long time then the house maid stays at another maams house. Sometimes the maam is take maid on vacation. But it not really vacation because the maid is still doing all the work. Only in different place. And no one is take care of housemaid on vacation. She have to still take care of everything. She have to look after children and do all the work she do at home.

So none of this is vacation for maid. She still have to do her work. If she at her own maams house maybe she can be little bit lazy. but she still have to clean everything before the maam come home. And if she is at the other maams house where she is staying she have to work extra. Because if other maam complain to her maam then her maam get upset. And that not good.

Even the floor of this hotel is very clean so the dog will not get germs. The noise is also kept low for dog to be able to relax. No one care about all that for house maid. In my oman sir house in my room one time there is leak from bathroom upstair. The full wall and ceiling is get wet and then all black. It look so bad. My oman sir is have full house painted but no one is painting my room and remove the black thing on my wall. Because it just the maid room.

When I go shopping I see special bed for dog in pet store. It look so comfortable. Not like house maid bed. Actually my bed in this house is nice. It use to be the bed of Sara but she is getting other bed. so now it is my bed. But it good quality and good size. But some of my friend their bed is so bad quality. And so small. One of my friend Rina is also having bed that the child is using. But it a small child bed. Like when the child is 2 or 3. Imagine it so small. No one is caring how the maid is sleeping. No one is caring whether the maid is comfortable.

One thing I am happy that I do not have in this house when my maam go on vacation. At the dog hotel they can see on video everything the dog is doing. Imagine if I having that in the house when maam going away. No no that is not good. that is one thing I am not wanting in this house. But I know that some maid is having this spy video in their life. Everyday. Not only when the maam is going on vacation.

The hotel is giving the dog fancy hotel food. Housemaid does not get fancy hotel food. This maam of mine never take me to hotel or restarant with children. She always leaving me at home. And I not mind it. because when I go out with the maam and sir I feel funny. Like we are part of family but different. not really part of family. I give you example. 

At my before sir house when we going this is what happen. My before maam is make me sit at another table for eating. Sometime with children. Sometime by myself. If there no other table then I have to sit on one corner. separate from family. then she is order for me a child meal. Or give me little from her plate and from sir plate. One time she taking me on friday for brunch. Friday is my holiday but she tell me one time Sally you not go on Friday I need you to come and watch children. We go to one very nice hotel. Full time I am sitting on a small child chair on one side. Or I am running with children. Children doing face painting. children playing. children eating. I am only watching children. All the maam and sir and children they eat lunch and drink lots. Full time I am waiting for my lunch but I am not getting even water. Maam tell me that her friend is pay for their food so she not want her friend to spend money on me. We reach home at 4 in afternoon. Then I eat my lunch quickly before I take children to park so maam and sir can sleep. That how it is for house maid.

The dogs have better bed. better room. better vacation. better food. than maid. I am happy for dog but sad for housemaid. That why the dog is lucky. Because even a dog has a better life than the house maid. 

salt and pepper

Yesterday when children is at school maam is going shopping. She coming back and saying Sally see what I bring. it so cute. She take out salt and pepper shaker thing. The salt is a man. The pepper is a woman. The man is dress in white. The woman is black. I am thinking that who make this is so clever. The man is like salt. Not very tasty but without salt it is hard to make food. The woman is like pepper. She is little spicy and make your food have more taste.

I tell maam my story. Maam say Sally sometime you amaze me that you are thinking like this. What maam is thinking? That I have no mind. That I not think. My mind is all the time moving. I look at flower and I think of a story. I look at the bird and I think of a story. You know. You are reading my blog. You know I am all the time thinking.

Now I am thinking why over here in dubai the man is wearing white and girl is wearing black? Why not girl wear white and the man wear black? I ask maam if she knowing. maam saying Sally I not know all this thing but maybe because in old days the man is going out in desert sun so he have to wear white to be cool? Maybe the black dress is protect the girls skin from the sun? Then she say something interesting. She say Sally maybe black is hide the shape of the woman. Maam then say Sally if you find out you tell me. So if anyone is knowing please tell me so I can tell my maam.

Yesterday I am reading something in newspaper. In Saudi all the wife is saying no to bring maid from Morocco. Filipina maid is not allow to go in saudi since few month. But all the wifes they are not wanting to do house work. so they having to find new country to bring maid from. But they not want house maid from Morocco because they think the girls from Morocco is too good looking. They are worry about the husband. They worry the maid do some magic on the husband. They are worry that the Moroccan girl is too spicy for the house.

First I am thinking this. Why they worry? They just have to put abaya and nikab on her and cover her in black. Then even if she is spicy like pepper no one is knowing. But then I think more. even if she is all cover up in black she can still do her magic.

See why it important to always be thinking? When I think more I realise that it is not only black and white. Because if you are like pepper or if you are like salt what you wear does not matter. Soon every one will get a taste.

clean garbage

Yesterday maam is remove plastic garbage bag from the bin. I do not know why she do that but sometime she like to check how I am doing my work. She look inside and tell me Sally what is this? Why the garbage bin is so dirty? I tell her maam that is because it is garbage. Maam say sally how many time I tell you that even if it garbage you have to keep it clean?

Actually she tell me this for everything in kitchen. Keep clean keep clean. Because she so scare that if thing is dirty everyone will be sick. all the time she make children use sanitiser to clean hand. All the time making me wipe the handle of door with dettol.

But I not understand why she want the garbage bin to be clean. No one is eating from it. Only I throw garbage in. and throw garbage out. What the use of keeping it clean? Why she wanting me to do so much more work I am not knowing.

But she is my maam so  I have to do what she say. I take bin out and wash it with hose. Then I put it in sun to dry. Then I bring it back in. Now it is a clean garbage bin. Maam is happy because it is clean but I want to laugh. Because garbage is still garbage even inside a clean bin. But for maam it is now clean garbage.

Now I am thinking of one girl Melody that I know in my home country. When I am young maybe eight or nine Melody is living in the house at backside of my house. Her family is very poor. She is so beautiful and she is nice girl also. She is older than me but she always talk to me. I always want to be beautiful like her. But even with her beauty she have sad story. When she is 15 she having to go to Japan for OPA work to help her family. We calling her Japayuki. My grandmother is tell me no talk to Melody when she come back. She not clean girl.

When I am young I am not understand what this mean. My grandmother is explain to me that OPA is oversea performing artist. Sometime it is good work but what work Melody is doing it not good work. It not very clean work. But lot of girl is do OPA work like Melody to help their family. Because they have no choice.

My grandmother tell me Sally you do any job but no do OPA job like Melody. But I not ever having to worry. I am not beautiful. You can only be OPA if you are beautiful. But if you are OPA your work is not always beautiful.

When Melody come back she is 18. She is still a nice girl but my grandmother say that her work is make her dirty. She say Sally no talk to Melody. My mother also say Sally no be friend with Melody. All the other neighbour is also not talk to her or be friend with her. I feeling sad for her but I am so young I have to respect my grandmother and mother what they say.

Melody now working near Manila. She doing good job in clothes factory. But my grandmother and neighbour still say she not clean girl. Even if she change her life and do new job she can never remove her old life as OPA.

Today I am thinking of Melody because of this garbage bin. See how life is. Inside a clean bin even the garbage feels clean. But poor Melody. Even when she change her job and do clean work she can never be clean. That why it so important to never do job that make you become garbage.

better life

Last week maam is taking children to mall buy new bag and new lunch box. She saying Sally I always buying new thing for them for new school year. I am thinking why she buying everything new? Old thing is also still looking nice. But then I am keeping quiet. Because I know that when children getting new thing all the old thing is coming to me. to send in my box. For my son. It is simple. Children getting better things means I can give my son better things also. And make his life little better.

When maam is going to mall she is wearing dress. I am telling her maam you be careful no one is take picture of your panty. Maam is saying Sally what you talking? Who is going to see my panty? I am telling her what I read in paper few week ago. Maam is also seeing same paper. but she not reading this story.

There is this man who is get arrest for looking at girls panty in carefour. Really. He having his phone in a shopping basket and when he seeing girl in skirt he put basket down next to her and take video of her panty. How he get this idea I am not knowing. Then I am thinking it so sad that he having to do so much trouble just to see girl in panty? It not correct what he do but maybe he so frustrate and that why he is doing this bad thing? I explain.

Lot of men is coming here to work from so many country. Lot of girl is also coming here but it different for girl. Because girl is have more control than man. These men are doing job here. Full day they work. They not allow to have girlfriend here. If they having girlfriend and they get caught then straight arrest. These men not going back home for so many years. They having no choice. they have to only do work  work work. To send money to home. some of them not seeing their wife for so many years. So like this  they are getting frustrate. Because they not able to have a woman. So they not think. they do stupid thing like this panty man. And then they get arrest and go to jail.

I hope my son when he grow big he is not come to this country to work. Because I not want him to do something stupid like this. I not want him to get frustrate because he does not have a woman. I not want him to get frustrate with his life. I want a better life. For him. And for me.

laundry mark

Yesterday Rayan is doing colouring. On bedsheet. With pen that is not getting wash. Maam is saying Sally take the bed sheet to laundry. See if they can remove stain. I like going to laundry. Because remember I am telling you that there is this boy Mark who works in laundry that is liking me. I think. 

So today I am going to the laundry. When I am reaching there Mark is not there. There is this girl. When I go inside laundry she is on phone. She is crying. I waiting for her to finish. She is new. She is homesick. That why she is crying. I tell her no worry in few months you will think this is your home. you not feel so homesick. Then she cry more.

Now I feeling bad that I make her cry more. I ask her name. She tell me her name is Judy Ann. She is come here last week. I ask her where Mark is. She say Mark is working in other laundry now. Not here. I am feeling little bit sad. Mark is go away means maybe my chance is go away.

Then I feel little bad also. Because of Richie. I not know what he is doing but he is father of my son. That can not change. He is big part of my life. He is leaving big mark in my life because he is father of my child.

Rayan leaving mark on the bedsheet. Richie leaving mark on my life. And Mark from the laundry is leaving my life. without leaving a mark.

new name

Today I am feeling sad. Yesterday my neighbour friend Dory is going back to Philippines. And she can never ever come back Dubai. Because her name not really Dory. Her name is really Alona. She is coming to work in Dubai when she is too young. Because she not having age she is making fake passport. With fake name and fake age. She is here in Dubai for 4 years I think. When her contract is expire her maam want to renew it but Dory is having problem. Her fake passport is also getting expire soon. So she will have to make new passport.

She is not wanting to have fake name forever. So she wants to make new passport with her real name Alona and real age. Because now her age is correct. But because she do eye scan when she is Dory she is not able to come back to Dubai when she is Alona. It very confusing. but all housemaid is understand this story of Dory. Because so many girl is come here in same way.

When we are fifteen or sixteen or seventeen we are very young to come here. But we need money. For our family. When the girl is so young she cannot go to abroad to work. It is not allow. So she makes fake passport. With fake name and fake age. She becomes someone else. Someone older. Because she want to help her family. That is how Alona became Dory.

Dory tells me that when she come here she have to make new birthday also. Her real birthday is in March but Dorys birthday is in July. So she have to celebrate her birthday in July. Every year her maam is getting cake for her on her fake birthday. Then they all sing fake happy birthday. Her maam is not knowing that it is fake birthday. Even we are not knowing it is all fake. That she is Alona. not Dory. She only tell us before she is going.

For us she is always Dory. She say now even she thinks she is Dory. Because everyone is calling her Dory for so many years. But I do not care if she Dory or Alona. She is my friend.

Pets and dreams

Last night I am having this dream. But before I tell you my dream I have to tell you why my mind is having this dream. Three or four things is happening that is make me have this dream.

Few days back I am reading in paper that a peacock is escape from zoo in new york. It is walking on the road. Everyone is looking at it and take its picture. I am not knowing if they catch the peacock. Or maybe someone is find it and keep it as a pet. 

Children is very bored these day so they nagging maam for a pet. My maam is not wanting any pets. She is not wanting to do any work for the pet. She telling children if they want pet then they having to do all job for the pet. Children saying we doing everything but Sally having to clean poo poo. I know if maam getting pet and she telling me to clean poo poo I am having no choice. I am having to clean poo poo and  look after pet if it coming in this house.

Like my friend Joanna. She is very upset. Her maam is getting a dog. Big dog. Joanna is telling me that the dog is coming from europe. She say the dog is having its own passport. Imagine. Joanna is getting scare of dogs but she is having to do everything for dog. I laughing when she take dog for walk. Dog is all the time jumping. All the time running. The dog is making Joanna run. But actually Joanna is wanting to run from the dog. 

Some month back my maam is showing me picture of tiger sitting in a car. Really. It just sit there and look out of window. I telling Joanna that she is lucky that her maam is getting a dog. and not a tiger or lion. 

So all these pet thing is happen in past few days. It all in my mind. And Maam is still little bit angry with me. About going out without telling her. About the clothes. She is talking to me but she still is not putting back the key in the kitchen door.

Then last night I am having this dream. I am dreaming that my maam is telling me Sally we are getting tiger for pet. In my dream I am taking tiger for a walk to park and cleaning its poo poo. And Joanna is laughing. She is telling me Sally you are so lucky you having tiger for pet and you not having a dog. When I am going back home maam is saying Sally tiger will sleep in your room. Imagine I am sleeping on the bed and tiger is on the floor.

Then in my dream my maam is opening the door of my room and is standing with a man. She telling the man this pet is all the time running away. We having to lock it up and take its passport. In my dream I am thinking that she is telling the man to lock the tiger and the tigers passport. 

But then the man is taking away my passport and putting me in a cage. In the cage is a peacock. and the tiger is free and just sitting and looking out of the window. When I waking up in the morning I am looking for the tiger and the peacock. Then I am realising it is all a dream. First I am starting to laugh. 

But then I realise that this dream is really my life. Except there is no pet.

hand wash

Maam is giving me 3 clothes for hand wash today. She say Sally all these clothes little delicate. you do hand wash. Usually she make me put clothes in washing machine. But she still angry with me because I go out without tell her. So that is why she giving me more work.

I am waiting for maam to go out. Then I quickly putting all clothes into machine. When I do hand wash my hand is get cut. Because all the time I am doing some washing. Washing window. washing car. washing outside furniture. washing chicken. All the time my hand is in water and soap. And I am not able to do good work by using glove.

Maam is not knowing and the washing will be over before she come home. She thinking she is punish me for do bad thing. She happy she punish me. I getting little bit upset on maam these days. Because what I am doing is not so much bad thing. That she have to punish me by give me more work. I only doing it because I know she not letting me go out at night.

When clothes is wash I am getting big shock. All the clothes is now pink. Now I am dead. Really dead. I quickly remove all clothes. and put in bucket. Then maam is coming home. I telling her maam I do hand wash but all clothes colour is coming out. Maam is not saying anything. She just walking out of room.

I not know what to do. She never just walk away. She always talk first. She get angry first. then she go to her room. I know maam is really so angry with me. After some time she take children and go out. She not say anything to me. She just leave.

Now I am really worried. I am in big trouble. Why I not do her hand wash? I think now maam is wash her hand. of me.

I spy fight

Maam is very strict about children watching tv and computer in school days. But these days everything is different. Children not having school. It so hot outside. So maam not know what to do with them. So she let them watch so much tv. so much computer. 

But yesterday Maam telling them no tv and computer until they play together. Children not very happy but they having no choice. They play sorry. uno. lego. Then they play I spy. They now fed up of playing. So they start fighting. Rayan kicking Sara. Sara pushing Rayan. Playing fighting playing fighting. Finally maam getting fed up. 

She say Rayan you go that room Sara you go other room. Now she say no playing together until you stop fight. children is very happy. Now they go different room and both going on computer. Now everyone happy. Children happy because they getting computer. Maam happy because fighting is stop. But children playing together also stop. 

Two days back Maam is also playing I spy. With me. One or two month back I am going out at night with my friends. My friend Abigail is going back to Philippines and all her friend  going out at night for party. I know my maam not let me go. I tell them I not able to go but they keep nag me until I say I try. So I not say anything and when maam and sir is going upstair to bed I am leaving from kitchen door. No one is knowing I go.

That night is so much fun. I not have so much fun since I come here to Dubai. Lilibeth takes us in her car. She make me sit in front so I not feel like do vomit. I forget to feel bad because I feel so happy to go out. We go to Maharlika in Karama. There is this band and they playing music. Best thing is it is free to go inside. And I am feeling free.

I am leaving house at 11 and coming back maybe 3 or 4. we take lot of picture. Susan is also there with us. She the one who maam give her computer She is so stupid. She is putting the picture on her facebook. Her maam is see the picture. Her maam showing the picture to my maam. That how my maam is playing I spy with me.

Maam is getting so upset. She saying Sally how you going? when you going? why you not tell me and go? I always letting you go if you tell me. But I know that not true always. Remember I ask her before for spend night outside and she not let me go? This night out is like that only. only I come back and sleep in my room. I know she not let me go if I ask her. that why I not ask her.

Then maam saying so many thing to me. She say Sally I not knowing if I can trust you. This sneaking out has got to stop. I not know why I renew your visa. I have no choice but remove key from kitchen door. Maam then go to room. She always go to her room when she angry.

I also get angry. With my self. why I go without tell her. I not know why I do this. Then I get angry with Susan. If she not put picture on facebook no one is knowing that I am going. For so many weeks no one is knowing I am going out. Then Susan putting picture and maam is seeing it. I phone Susan and tell her how you can be so stupid. Susan saying Sally I not know you not telling your maam. She tell me Sally you are stupid for not telling your maam.

Now maam and I not talking much. We fighting like Sara and Rayan. Maam only talking important thing and then going to her room. I feel bad and going to my room. I know in few days she will get over it and talk again.

But I also know when we stop fighting she will not let me play again. Because she has taken the key from the kitchen door.

clothes from ukay

Last week maam is giving me lot of clothes. and school bags. All old things of her and Rayan and Sara. She saying Sally you take what you want and otherwise go put in donation box at choitram. I am looking at all these clothes and things and thinking they all looking like new. Maybe little bit stretch or fade but all are good brand. I know I am not putting this clothes in any box at choitram. The only box I put them in is my cargo box to send home.

Housemaid salary is so low we not able to buy so nice thing. Like maam buying one tshirt for 200 or 300 dirham. She always taking price off and throw in her room garbage. But I always clean garbage in so I see the bill. Always spending so much money on clothes. And shoes. She come home with so many shopping bag. One time I ask her maam show me what shopping you do. I just having interest because I not able to do this type of shopping. She getting very upset. She say Sally it not your business what I buy. After that I never ask her. I only look at bill in garbage.

Maam always give me her old tshirt. But maam is so thin than me. The first time she give me her things I am sad because I think it not fit me. but the tshirt is little bit stretch. Thats why she give it to me. So it fit me. Now I wear her stretch tshirt when I am going for my holiday on friday. It is so nice materal. Even in my dream I cannot buy a new tshirt like this.

In my home we can buy clothes like this. Not new but good brand. at the ukay ukay shop. I telling maam that these clothes she give me is like I buying free clothes from ukay. Maam is getting confuse. She saying no Sally these clothes not from ukay they are from Dubai. I am then explaining ukay to maam. I tell her maam at ukay ukay shop you can buy all real brand clothes. all so very cheap. Not copy brand like you buy at karama.

Ukay clothes is real brand. only they are not new. Just like maam clothes. Real brand but not new.

But now I think I not needing to go to ukay ukay. Maybe even my family not needing ukay ukay shop. Because my maam is like my own ukay ukay shop. For free.

not so beautiful

Yesterday my maam is showing me something. She is getting very upset. There is this contest for the most favourite child. People have to vote for their favorite child to be a model. Maam is upset because she say how it is fair to only make one child the favourite? how to vote for one child? All child is the favourite for their mother and father. Maam also say if your child does not win how to explain to her that she has lost? How you tell her that she is not the favourite? Maam is then saying outside beauty is not meaning anything. It is inside that is more important.

I am thinking maam is correct. Now even I am not liking contest like this. Because in these contest you are telling child that if you are not beautiful you are not winning the prize. That if you are not beautiful you are not the favourite. And that makes you not so beautiful.

I am not beautiful. I am never winning any contest for beautiful model. When I am young girl I am always wishing that I was more beautiful. That I not so fat. That my skin is more white. That my hair is more straight. I am even today wanting straight hair. I am using umbrella when I going in the sun. Even my mother always telling me Sally how you get marry if you become brown. If you be fat. Everyone wants to be beautiful. even me. Everyone wants to win that contest and be the favourite person.

But then I think of my grandmother. When she is young my mother tell me she is so beautiful. Now she like a beautiful flower that is all dry up. Now she has nothing of the outside beauty. When you are beautiful outside and you get old you have nothing. But when you are beautiful inside your heart then you always stay beautiful. Even when you are old.

Everyone wants to win that contest. But maam is right. you have to be beautiful in your heart to be really beautiful. To stay beautiful. To really be the winner.

moving truck

Yesterday on our street there are three moving truck. Whole street is block. So many people is moving. Some moving to other house in Dubai only. Like my one friend who living in villa 4. Her name Karen. Her maam moving to big new villa so she also having to go. She very happy because in new villa the maid room is outside of house. Not inside like over here. She able to go out when she wanting to go. Her maam is not having so much control on her.

Some other people is moving to other country. Maybe London or america. Maybe singapore. Like that. All the thing in the house is pack up in so many box and they putting it in the truck. I thinking if I having to go back to Philippine I only having one or two box. I not needing full truck like this. 

Even if I wanting to buy some thing I know I not able to take it back to my home country. Like one time I am wanting to buy a tv for my mother. I thinking I buy and send by cargo. At the time of Dubai Shopping Festival. I tell my maam. Maam is tell me Sally if you sending tv then you paying so much money for sending it by cargo. Why you not just send money to philippine and let them buy tv there? 

But she not understanding. I am wanting to send gift to my family. I am wanting them to open door and see this big tv and be surprise who it coming from. And if I sending money for tv to my mother maybe she is using money for something else. not tv. But maam always put this doubt in my brain so now I not wanting to buy anything big. Because how I will take it back home?

When I going back to Philippine from Oman I am taking only one bag on plane. I am so scare how much the weight of bag is. One girl is tell me only 20 kilo is allow. Other is tell me only 15 kilo is allow. And hand luggage only 7 kilo. No one know how much is allow and how much you have to pay. But they know you are not able to take too much weight.

Imagine you working for two year you having so many thing. But you only able to take back 15 or 20 kilo. You wanting to buy so many thing to take home but you are not able to take it back. I am so careful when I do packing to go back from Oman. I put everything else in a box to send by cargo. Then my Oman sir is saying Sally I sending your box after you go. I so stupid I believe him. but he never sending it. Imagine everything I am buying is just thrown in garbage by my Oman sir. so now I not wanting to buy so many thing. Suppose I have to leave it all again when I go?

When we coming here to work we leaving our family in philippines. We feeling so very sad. We are so homesick. Our heart is paining. Then slowly the family of our maam and sir is become like our family. The children of our maam and sir is like our own son or daughter. I feel like I knowing Rayan more than I knowing my own son and brother and sister. I knowing his full day how it is. Where he going. what he doing. what he eating. why he crying. I not knowing all this detail even of my own son.

So when we leaving our job and going back we leaving not only our things but also little bit like we leaving our family. Almost like when we coming here from Philippine.  That how life of house maid is. We having to say bye to our things and our family and our friend when we leaving. Always leaving everything and everyone behind. when we going from philippine or from dubai.

That why we not needing moving truck when we leaving. Because we leaving everything behind when we go. So our luggage is not heavy. The only thing that is heavy is maybe our heart. And you cannot send that on a moving truck.

lock and key

I am not writing my blog story for so many days. That because maam is going vacation. When she is going she is locking room of computer. First time she doing this. I not know why. Maybe she is suspect me. When she telling me she is going for two weeks I was so excited. I thinking I am able to do my blog everyday. 

Then she locking the room before going. I am so disappoint. She say Sally you not needing to clean this room everyday so I locking it. My heart is so sad. Even Lilibeth is going vacation. so I am not able to use  her computer. And I too scare to ask Maria because she is so materalistic. and she not my true friend. Maybe she telling my maam then I am in big trouble. Now the room is lock. so computer is lock. Blog is lock. And I not having key so all my words is lock.

I not tell you before that I am renew my contrac with this maam. Maam is tell me Sally you can go your vacation to Philippine when I going for my vacation. I thinking why I will want to do that? When my maam is going away then I am having so much free time. I am having vacation here also. So I telling her I not wanting to go for vacation just now. Maybe later time. 

Maam saying Sally if you not wanting to go I can give you ticket money instead. She quite happy I not wanting to go. I telling maam that I not knowing if I want to do that. If I take money it be good for me. but then I not seeing my family for four years. Two for first contrac and two for next contrac. That so much time. Maam telling me Sally you think and tell me what you want to do. I am thinking maybe I going vacation for christmas time.

When maam is going for her vacation two of my friends is leaving Dubai. They not coming back to Dubai because their maam is not renew contrac. So we not see them again. We doing party at park for these two girls before they go. I am making cake at home and taking. Maam is not there so I not having to ask her. Everyone is taking pictures. We making a card for them.  We having good party. It is lot of fun.

Then at the end of party everyone is writing their phone number. but I know no one will phone because it cost so much money to phone from here. If they phoning Philippine then they phoning their own family. not some other friend. So party is fun but it so sad also. Because these two girls is gone from our life forever. Remember I tell you before that these friend we having here in Dubai are all BFV.  Best Friend for Visa. Not BFF Best Friend Forever like Sara calling all her friend. I saying bye to them forever.

Yesterday maam and sir is coming back with children. Maam is bringing me small gift. But the bigger gift she bringing me is the key. for room with computer. The key for my words. 

No prize

Yesterday there is story in paper about ugliest dog in the world. I telling maam that this dog is look like a rat. Imagine this rat dog is getting picture in paper. So lucky it is. It is winning a prize because it ugly. It is in paper because it ugly. I thinking of the owner of dog. Imagine what he feeling when he win this prize. I do not think I want to win prize for the ugliest dog in world.

I also read story about these maid who never getting day off. Not even one day in so many year. I know how that feeling because I am in that situation in my before jobs. Imagine I only going outside house to put garbage. 

In this house I feeling a little free. Not so free because I still having to tell my maam I going out. but she not stop me. I going to park for jog. or to meet my friends. sometime I going choitram or spinney. No problem with this maam in this thing. Some month ago I make mistake and go without telling her. Then she get upset. But now I realising my mistake so I always telling her

This maam also not keeping my passport like other places. My passport in cupboard with her and sir passport. but cupboard is not lock. I knowing where she keeping it. Maam is show me. She saying Sally you keep it here so it not get lost or spoil. She not locking it like at my other place. She only keep it for it to be safe.

My one friend Jenny is in big problem. Her contrac is over. She is wanting to go back to her home this month. Her maam is lock her passport. Now her maam is tell her that passport is lost. So now Jenny is not able to go. She is crying so much. I tell Jenny that I thinking her maam is hide passport. how she can lose it? But Jenny is in this bad situation now. She not have her passport. She not able to leave Dubai. She have no choice but to renew contrac for two more years. Poor Jenny. Her maam is not only lock passport. She is also lock Jenny.

I trying to understand why some maam is lock passport. Maybe they scare that maid steal thing. or maybe do something bad to children. and then run away. The maam is think that passport is like garantee for maid. so she not do something bad and run away. If maid is run away then the maam having lot of problem. She having to find new maid. She having to pay lot of money for sponsor new maid. So she keeping passport. To have control on maid. To stop maid from do something bad. 

But sometime the maid is running because the maam or sir is do something bad. And because she not having her passport she not having any choice. Because she not able to end her contrac or change her maam she not having choice. She have to run away and hide.

See how it is. Passport is lock so good maid running from bad maam. or bad maid running from good maam. Both situation is bad. There is no good solution in this situation. It is a lock situation just like passport is lock. Just because passport is lock.

The person who has ugliest dog is win a prize. But there is no prize for the maam who has the worst maid. or the maid who has the worst maam. There is no prize and no hope in this situation.